"What do you do?" is one of those common questions people ask to start getting to know someone. Making it the first question, however, says a lot about the asker's approach to meeting people. The question is cold and functional. It speaks of a desire (conscious, unconscious) to put the person in a category to start making sense of them. It's as if the asker were looking for a first source of familiarity, a first way to connect the person with their mental model of reality.
When you're getting to know someone, you're trying to give color to a new identity in your mind. When you ask "what do you do?" you're looking for a familiar color. The problem with this question, clearly, is that it sets a tone to the conversation. Making function the first thing you want to know about someone speaks of your priorities.
Perhaps the most revealing aspect of using the question is that it betrays an ignorance of the ways in which it can backfire.
IT FORCES REDUCTION. Making "What do you do?" your first question is in a way selfish because it puts the burden on the other to produce an answer that harmonizes with the mental model of the asker. It is something a registration form would do. Your guest is challenged to compress the richness of whatever it is they do into a generic statement in the spirit of "I'm a programmer/accountant/lawyer", unless they're eager to lecture you into the nuance of their doings.
IT IS NOT EASY ON THE MIND. The question can be self-defeating because it is not universally enjoyable to answer. Not everyone is happy or satisfied with what they do and having to answer the question forces them to invoke something they don't harmonize with. There is also a sizable lot whose interests and doings are too broad to be packed into a sentence, let alone a genericized profession. Calling to perform that reduction opens the opportunity that the conversation be derailed by awkwardness when your guest's answer doesn't roll off the tongue.
IT UNDULY IMPOSES ASSUMPTIONS. If your guest manages to muster a satisfactory answer to the question, it will surely invoke every stereotype you may associate with their answer. If you hold your guest in good grace, you will probably resist associating them with these stereotypes, but if you don't, these assumptions will probably weigh on your future perception of your guest.
In America we relate to each other functionally. We are looking for "potential useful function" in people. We have learned to make this the first layer of color to everyone's identity. That is why we are trained to have an elevator pitch for whatever it is we do. And there are plenty of reasons making "function" a standard color palette, but rest assured that these colors are a mere caricature compared to the color of a soul.
Updated: April 23rd, 2021
Created: April 23rd, 2021